A Letter to my son
Many nights
Many nights I lay awake wondering how I can help you better, many sleepless nights holding you and asking what else can I do, many nights I lay awake wondering what else I can do.
As I lay in the sleepless hours wondering, listening to you once again as you have another spell, awake I will be to let you know I am here for you while you are fast asleep.
Many days I do my best in hopes that we can be free, as hard as it is for me it is way harder for you, confusion in your mind of the explossions and damage that you think are just outside looking out the window to see it just the same with no damage in sight. The alens that come for you in the darkness of the night and you must protect us from them all night that turns to a weekend its all the same to you days turn to nights and nights to days they all seem to meet up and you worry so much how can I protect, how can I do, who am I am what is happening.
How many times have you told me you want to buy me my own home how very sweet that thought is to me for all you have to go through in this life and you put doing something for me on the top of the list.
Many nights I lay awake watching over you making sure you are okay and doing all I can to keep you alive.
So many times I fed you, cleaned up after you, cared for you, hoped for you, loved you more then enough.
Many night I lay awake wondering if there is more I can do, I lay there thinking of you.
I know how this life has changed for you, you see others younger then you doing so much more then you can do and you remember when you were young and could do so much more then you can now, I know how you have your good days and your uncontrollable days and we never know what day we will have.
Many nights I lay awake thinking of you.
Through all that you have been through, through all we have been through, I am so grateful it is with you.
Many nights I lay awake thinking of you.
How happy you are sometimes just to see my face, to hug me, to talk to me and to just sit in my room with me.
So many nights I lay there thinking how grateful I am that its you I get to go through this journey with and all we have to do.
Many days you have greeted me with the amazing smile and loving Mom you are the my best mom ever. Many times you have filled my heart with I love you and you are the best.
Many nights I lay awake being very, very grateful that you are my son, my light, my hero, through all you go through you just want to make so much more for so many people, movies, comic, books and stories.
So miss understood, so strong, so loving, so kind, so confused and yet so always devine.
As I lay awake so many nights I think about you and love you unconditionally with open arms, open heart and know that you are exactly who you are supposed to be, everything is as it is supposed to be and when I find myself thinking of how I can help you more or what can I do now with tears running down my face, I know this is just as it is supposed to be and it is okay and I am okay and you my dear son are okay.
Nothing last everything changes and this to will pass and you will once again hug me and not be so scared and lost. I have faith enough for both of us this too will pass and right here right now is okay.
I love you always and for ever my loving son.
momma.
