Become okay where you are

A few nights ago Matt had a episode I really dont know how to describe it he starts to shack and be comes very loving saying you are my favorite mother, I love my family and really sweet things he is very affectionate, he also becomes sweaty and pale and of course wobbly cant seem to stay on his own feet so we help him to bed tuck him in and he comes back out I write him some cards that he puts on his wall, I tuck him back into bed and some how he manages to sleep.

The next morning he looks on his wall and remembers the three I had made him earlier but not the other two he asks me about him I explain what happened and he says was I sleep walking? Hmmmm sorta yes I guess we could call it that at least so he can understand it. Is he really sleep walking I dont think so as he has these at all times of the day I am not even sure what they are how do you describe these things that you have no idea what they are? They are missed time although he is there, although he is able to talk, although he is able to walk, although he is able to do most things he still isnt himself, he is wobbly, and not sure of what is going on and kind of scared not wanting to die, not wanting to be alone at times, not wanting to be a handy cap, not wanting to have to go through what he is wanting to go through and always saying he doesn't want to loose us. Sleep is always the

best thing at these times for him. I can not do anything about all the things we go through with Matt all the different experiences I can not do anything about his reactions o anyone else's for that matter but I can do something about my own in fact this is the only thing I can do anything about. And I choose now to be the most loving, most supportive, most appreciative and most kind person that my son and everyone else who gets to connect with me can be. Oh sure there are times I am forget and sadness, fear or victim comes back but as soon as I remember I let go and return to the person I truly want to be. I love my son, all of who he is and all of what we have to go through with in, I accept that this is where we are and I am okay with this, I know we have a bit to go and that is okay I know we will get there I know that step by step we will get to our goal. I am okay with being where we are, it was okay to be where we were and I really did learn a lot and I am very excited to be where we will be healthy and free. Become okay with where you are, become aware of what you are putting out into the world. Only you can choose you so choose the good one. Choose good reactions, choose good thoughts, choose love, choose who you want to be you are worth it.

#oneofakind #confusion #illness #child #onlyyou #chooseypu #inspirational #rest #sleepwalking #shakes #seizures #mom