Bad dreams
Matt comes to my door way and says Mom I need to talk to you.
Okay, I reply
He turns and walks away
Matt I thought you wanted to talk to me? I ask him
he returns and says I had a bad dream.
Oh I am sorry to hear that but it was just a dream hun you can just let go of it. I tell him
I dont want to hurt myself ever again. He shares with me.
Oh I am sure you wont, but it was just a dream so let it go. I remind him
Do you want me to tell you about it? he asks
He tells me that he or someone cut his wrist and he was so scared and depressed he was crying, I gave him a hug and told him he was okay and it was just a dream.
I know so many things goes through his head and some days are good and some are not so good and sometimes dreams seem real and bad dreams are never anything we want to live.
As I stood with him I remembered what it was like when he was on the first pharmaceutical medication the one that had such bad affects on him that he spoke of suicide many times and even attempted it although he really didn't want to do it and never has since being off of it except for the occasions where he says things like why don't you just put me out then or I might as well die or so you want me to die, all because he has miss understood what we had said to him.
As I stood there with him I am reminded of how far we have come and although we still have hiccups I am so grateful he is here with us and this is just a bad dream.
