Sometimes I cry

Sometimes when Matt is having a difficult moment, he is shaky, he is scared, I know something is going on but it is out of my control my poor son why him.

I help him in to bed, help him with his jammies, tuck him in, kiss him on the head and stand there for a moment looking at my son.

Why does he still have to go through more stuff? Why cant he cut a break? Why cant I help him? My poor guy I love him so much.

Is this another seizure? Is it low blood sugar? Is it something else?

Good night buddy I say to him. I love my family, those sisters, that brother, my neice, you and Mike he says to me. We love you to buddy.

Sometimes he adds in his extended family and even more people he is thinking of.

I turn off his light and head back to my room. I sit at my computer and feel tears fill my eyes oh what am I thinking?

Yes I cry, yes its hard sometimes, yes these moments come out of no where and I have no idea what to do.

I dont have to stay in these thoughts though I can choose better ones like appreciation, you may think appreciate what we are going through that would suck and believe me at this moment I sure wouldnt be able to but I can appreciate that I am home with him to help him, that this will pass and all will be well again, that he loves so much, that I have the best support system, that I am doing my best.

Yes I cry but I dont stay there any more.

You get to choose you.

❤Joan