Welcome to the New Year
The new year brings new beginning, it brings new adventures and even though somethings may seem like you have been through before it is all brand new.
This is how it goes even though things seem simaler they are all new.
New year for Matt was a difficult one as I mentioned on a prevouse post he was having a difficult time and it continued through out the day.
From the very beginning in the AM he seemed all out of sorts telling me he didnt sleep getting upset because he couldnt finish something and needing help and yes yelling at me with out realizing he was yelling.
Helping him calm down, helping him back to his room to watch a movie while I got his medication and his breakfast not really knowing what us happening to my son.
Breath take a moment its okay, this is just a moment.
The day continues not much changed my son is confused, scared and speaking if things that make no sence. Its okay Matt everything is okay.
"I don't want to watch a bad movie. I don't want to read a dark book, I just want to stay good."
"I want to open my restaurant and help others." "I want to be happy, I don't want to get angry, I am not angry." a few things he has been saying over and over again on this day. "it's okay Matt everything is okay." "Nope nothing is wrong, everything'g is good." "Don't worry about it, its okay." some of the things I have said.
Evening comes and not much has changed still scared, still sounds angry, still unsure what has happened.
We have company over and there is Matt still the same of course the company are my parents and know many of the phases of Matt so they are aware that this to can happen from time to time, out burst, talking about what ever is going on in his head and well you just really don't know what will be going on when you are with Matt.
After a lovely dinner and a funny movie Trolls which is Jaden's favorite Matt finds a happy moment because happiness is inside everyone. He smiles and laughs for a moment and you know what I will take it. Yes a stressful day but somewhere there is a smile, there is a laugh or to, there is happiness, even if it is for just a moment.
Guest have gone and my husband helps Matt with a bath, I can hear them in the tub how totally amazing my husband is with Matt, he is calm while Matt isn't quite as calm, he is patent when Matt is fighting, he is always loving. I can remember a time where I felt I had to do it all, I had to take it personally, I had to feel bad, I had to feel stressed and I had to do EVERYTHING myself. I learned that I can share with those who want to help and allow them to with out being a part of it, I learned that Matt can be in these moods and I don'd have to take any of it personally, I learned that I can feel sad when this happen's to him but I don't have to stay in sad, I learned that I can love more and I learned that it all works out the way it is supposed to.
This is just a moment and every moment with Matt is a blessing.
