Depression

Depression is a difficult thing to discuss it is also a difficult thing to go through, I know first had as I myself have gone through it many times in my life, I understand the loneliness, the fears, the thoughts that run through the mind and create even more sadness and despair, it makes it difficult for us to talk to anyone about it.

But what happens when it is cause by your illness, or you are a person with disabilities and the things that may help someone else back fire on you? What happens when it is caused by the pain you are feeling all the time, or by some other symptom, or by just not feeling good about your life or yourself? What happens when it is cause by prescription drugs?

What happens when you suffer from depression? What happens to your life? To you family? To yourself?

It is a dark place, you feel despair, alone, sadness, fear and so many other emotion non of which are happy.

When I myself went through my darkest time I could not find a way out, I hid from everything and everyone, no one knew I was depressed or suicidal, I just tried to keep it together for another day. My older children were just little and I did everything in my power to not let them know, we tried scream therapy screaming into our pillows, we tried hide and seek were we hid every time I became scared, we played calls are not important to all the phone calls I would receive, and other games I made up hoping they would not catch on that I was going through this.

I quite my babysitting jobs and my oldest daughter missed some days of school just because I myself could not make it out of the house, I was not sure how I could face another day, let alone another moment. If it wasn't for my kids and my sweet little dog I am not sure I would have made it.

I went to a psychiatrist who indicated that I was manic depressive and would be on anti depression drugs for the rest of my life, I refused and knew I had to find a better way, I had to heal myself.

So I did, I began trying to figure it all out and started feeling way better. I began walking more even of the days I was afraid and I moved into a nice new home.

I had a choice and I realized this, but there are many who do not realize this, sure there are times I hear those depression thoughts running through my mind I allow them sometimes but always remember that I have a choice.

I was told I would be dealing with this for the rest of my life and I still have times where I do deal with depression and I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn't, however when I feel depressed I try to write down my thoughts so I can see how untrue they are, I take time for myself in nature, I take a bubble bath, I write out my gratitude and I work on affirmations that help me have better thoughts, especially ones like "I am safe, Everything is working out for me, I am loved, all is well."

Now with Matt although he is told he has a choice he still cant just turn it off (no one can really it takes time). It is difficult for him and many until you retrain your brain, some days he starts off in depression feeling abandonment, unwanted, handy cap and not wanting to see anything good, even if I try to work on gratitude feelings he just wants to stay there. Sometimes he gets to work towards being angry, which is better then depression and then we can move towards better feelings but sometimes it takes days. He does speak of doing something to himself and we know he doesn't really mean it but we still have to keep an eye on him.

So what can you do with someone whose depression is caused by medication or seizures?

There isn't much you can do but help them through it, sure you could go to the doctor maybe get some anti depression drugs but this isn't the case for us as Matt is only here for a few days at a time and Cannabis helps medicate him so we usually give him a higher does to help with the mood swings and he comes out of it pretty well.

Cannabis is a much safer way to heal Matt then any pharmaceutical drug and with these new pill base oil it seems to be working even better he is getting 20mg a day of oil instead of the 15 he was getting, it is easier to administer and with in a day of him taking the pill his depression turned right around.

I have a good feeling about this one.

Depression can be cause by many things but is usually what thoughts are running around in your head, even when it is due to the fact we are in so much pain and feel so useless it is the thoughts we are thinking. Pain all the time can be a depressing thing and hard to cope with I know all about this myself, but if you just allowed yourself to focus on all you can do, if you began thinking thoughts of how useful you are, if you didn't feel alone, if you just reached out to someone and asked them to help you remember what you are good at and if they can't help you keep trying you deserve to feel useful, you deserve to feel loved. Don't give up you deserve to be happy.