What does epilepsy look like?

What does epilepsy look like? Well it looks like, sleepless nights, mood swings, depression, anxiety, it looks like medication after medication, doctors, specialist and tests, it looks like changed appointments and rescheduling interviews, it looks like stopping everything in a moments notice to deal with a seizure, a bad mood, or a situation that has happened.

Epilepsy doesn't have just one look to it, it has many and their are some although not many that have epilepsy that lead a normal life the medication is helping with the seizures and they have it all under control. However there are many who live with epilepsy and try so many things and still can not stop the seizures.

For us it looks like seizures, doctors, specialists, medication, medication not working, more seizures, more medication, doctors only wanting to prescribe medication, test, more test, family break up, loss of friends, fear, loneliness, depression, anxiety, more medication not working, more and more seizures to research, trying new ways, diet, de-stressing, less seizures, less medication, doctors worried about new diet, continue with diet and save Matt's life.

That wasn't all there are so many things that epilepsy looks like it is the different Matt's the angry, depressed, happy, zombie, the delusional, the hyper, the intelligent and so many more and we never had a clue what one we were getting when he woke up.

It was the missed school and missed appointments, the missed tests and missed evaluations, it was the missed moments he will never have returned to him or that haven't up till this time, it is the seizures that came one after the other where he couldn't eat, drink or even wake up and the doctors words saying just put up his dosage higher.

It is Matt laying in my bed almost dying of these seizures and high dosage, it is the psychotic episode that kept us awake all weekend because Matt could not get any sleep and was afraid, just thinking his psychotic thoughts.

It is the leaving work early or not able to go in at all, it is the having to quite my job and be the full time care giver, it is the sleepless nights, missed meals and loss of self care.

It is the pain, the worry, fear that my son has to go through this, that we all have to go through this.

It is the lost dates, romantic encounters, it is a job he may never have, it is the life he feels he is missing out on.

What does epilepsy look like it is different for everyone but for us it looks like learning, changing, growing, allowing, there still to this day not much know about it but for us diet, de-stress and cannabis are the things that help Matt the most and of course lots of unconditional love.