It doesnt last forever

We have so many really good days and then we are back to square one it seems. Well not really but sometimes it sure feels like it.

How can we have him to a place of happiness, enjoyment, love and laughter to go back to anger and frustration? WHY it seems so unfair.

I understand it is the medication and the seizures combined, I understand that yes for what ever reason we have not yet been able to get him 100% seizure free although we are still trying, I understand that to get him to this will cost more then I am able to spend a month, Yes things cost money I get that and yes this is where we are.

Anger oh this is the hardest part by far I think..

Imagine your child being so angry at you he says hurtful things, he doesnt mean to you know this, it isnt even really him but the drugs and seizures but you are still here having to deal with it, imagine having to send him to him room because all he seems to want to do is yell at you. Imagine someone wanting to argue while all you want to do is help, imagine the anger right in your face.

It doesnt happen very often in fact I am usually the one who can calm him down, but imagine for a moment your child so angry he is shaking and you have no idea what is going on why so angry, what has happened. WHY.

No matter what you say or do you are the bad guy, no matter what you have done in the past you are the bad guy. YES IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

I hate arguing and I just dont do it I would rather talk it out, but what if the other isnt listening and not doing what they are supposed to? What if they are being mean and calling names? What if they are telling you, you are from hell? And what if you know this isnt who they want to be, but a side affect of what ever they are going through?

Yes there are days like these as well and they are no fun at all.

As many of us I to sometimes break down, I cry, I ask for help and strangth and I do my best.

This is my son and I will do what ever it takes to help him, no iti snt always easy.

I stay home every day so I can help him, I stay here with him when he can not go out, I am here when he is happy and when he is uncontrollable I am here for him.

These days are difficult but it really reminds me of why I am here with him, there is no one on this earth who would put up with this mixed up emotions and know that in there somewhere is my loving, kind son and I am doing it all of it for this guy no matter what mood he is in, no matter what I have to go through I want him to have the best life ever and it isnt always easy.

Doing what I have to so my son can live every day <3

I dont hold him accountable for these moments does he need to stay in his room when he is angry so as to not take it out on anyone else yes, I try to get him to write but doesn always work, but I know that this day will pass and we will have a different day tomorrow.

I am responsable for me, I cry sure I do it hurts and I feel like we have come so far to be back at this place, but I also know that this day, this moment will pass and he will not even know he was like this.

What helps with this anger you may ask what cost money that I am at this point right now well medication cost money and Cannabis is the one that helps him out right away in fact Cannabis oil helps him not just with this side affect but also with his seizures, it has proven its self over and over he becomes more aware of himself thinks before he acts and has better conversations with us, cannabis oil has really helped Matt out so very much. I wish I could get him as much as he needs on a regulare bases as you can see by the post above when he starts to get less everything starts to fall backwards.

I am not a spokes person on Cannabis although I could be after watching what it has done just for Matt, I am how ever a mother who will do what ever it takes to help her son.

If you would like to help Matt there is a donation botton on the home page, all donations go to the care of Matt and to help bring more education to this page through my blog post and resorces.